So what now?

Yeah it's Friday!!! Weekend has arrived and I have a wonderful friend who is visiting me this weekend. He has the ability to make me feel better and has sort of dragged me away from the bottom of the dark pit. I was in a better frame of mind today hahaha maybe because it was Friday or maybe the fact that I had a friend that did some sex talk with me that always seems to make me feel better!

Anyway I am like a quarter out of the pit and that seems to be something at least won't you say?

It seems like today was a good day for a sugar overload as one of the ladies I work with brought all kinds of sweets to work, yuck was narfie afterwards but it seemed to set the mood for a day of laughter and making work much more fun.

I decided that being in a dark pit can get to comfortable and I don't want to get comfortable there at all. So will make a effort to move further up the pit today;

I also realised that my so called problems is nothing compared to some of my friends problems. Damn I tend to work harder on their relationship than they do so once again I had to smooth things over between the two of them. Hahaha one of these days they might learn to communicate with each other.

I realised today we are on the downward slope towards the end of the year and before you know it we will be in December and then where did this year go?

Ok so I am bit boring at this moment so will leave you all to wonder what has happened and leave it at that.

Ciao

Sourpuss

Hehehe can you belief it? comment by someone! o well I guess i do come off as a sourpuss but honestly being stuck in a dark pit is really so o so sad!

O well I am still there but have decided that I will use this as a tool to get myself out of that pit even if I have to crawl to the top! hahaha it is going to be a lot of crawling the way I feel now but I will use this depression the get in touch with those feelings I have been hiding away for awhile, you know the ones u don't want to admit is sitting there looking at you, in fact screaming "look at me!" but you just brush it aside saying not now I am busy, go away I will deal with you later.

Well guess what later has arrived with a bang so it is time to look at why I am ignoring my feelings of not doing certain things which should have been dealt with a long time ago. You might be wondering what I am talking about and honestly I am wondering what I am talking about as I have been ignoring the problem for so long that I have to now sit down and find out what I have to look at.

I think this is why I decided to start writting my blog (spelling mistakes and all) and to see where it will take me. Will it take me to the deeper part of my mind that I hide from the world and myself?

You know of course the person you lie the most to is yourself. Is it possible to really honestly be truly honest with yourself in a brutal way? I doubt it very much, I thought I was but have discovered I really can lie to myself the best. So now it is time to start taking action and telling myself the truth.

Being honest with others is also a very tricky thing, when u rather tell a little white lie because you don't want to hurt their feelings is rather saying I don't want to hurt my feelings. If you are truly honest with yourself then you can be honest with everyone else so I guess I will start by being honest with myself and the first honest thing I will tell myself is get a life girl and start crawling out of this dark pit you have thrown yourself in.

You know that there are times I get home sit in the car and think to myself if i close the garage door it will be so easy to just let the car run and go to sleep and never wake up. Then I realise if I do that I might miss out of something rather exciting tomorrow. Who knows I might inherit millions and by killing myself I might loose out on the excitement of spending all those millions lmfho!

Anyway I think that is enough dribble for one evening and funny I feel much better now so no more miss sourpuss for me!

Have a sunshine day and moonfilled evening

Dark Holes

It is Wednesday and 19h44 and very cold, it is so cold you can freeze your tootsies if you're not careful!

I am alone and and sitting in this dark hole, it came creeping up on me Saturday 23rd of June from nowhere, no i lie it was not from nowhere I have felt it creeping up a week or two before hand but have decided to just ignore this feeling of utter despair coming my way. I did not want to admit that I am moving into a state of depression as it one of the feelings I hate! I am sure if you know depression you will agree with me it is the worst feeling in the world!

I am one of those irritating people that is always happy and smiling and when I turn into she-devil everyone is so shocked! hehehe they almost feel that you are out to get them. O pleeeeeaaazzzzeeee why waste time on them when I can just slit my wrist! they are so self centred.

I am wallowing in self pity now as I am in pain and can't stand it so I am sitting alone at home and ignoring all my friends who is spreading a rumour I am in hospital.

O well I am going to see how this blogging will make me feel and if I can just type the shit that pops into my head which might seem extremely inane at times but it could also be very releasing to just get my thoughts out there.

Well thats all for now from me, old sour puss, hey maybe I shoud rather have used that name as my usual name is to cutsy for this rambing.

Ok i am going now so have a great evening if you are in the mood for one.