I Wonder?

Today is one of those days where I am wondering about a lot of things, yesterday I was ready to quite. Pack my bags and just leave, drive until I can't anymore and wherever I am settling down and starting a new life.

Doing that though will I actually leave behind the things that is bothering me? Answer to that question is not really, I will run away and they will come back bigger and badder that before and then it will be even more difficult to deal with them.

So here I am today wondering how I create such a negative life force at the moment, and let me tell you I know all about creating as I am very good at creating things in my life, usually I create good things but at this moment it is negative.

That is why I decided to write here again as it seems to help to get things out in the open for me. I have a lot of pain at the moment and I do know that if I sort out the emotional the physical will be sorted out automaticly.

Now to start sorting out the emotional is where the problem lie! I apparently as I see it do not want to go to that place that is causing all the negativity in my life, I am skirting around it and might glimpse at it but just don't go to it.

I am quite capable of going there myself but I think for this issue I will need help and support and the one person who used to do that for me stays in Cape Town and I can't get there at the moment, work is busy and I am obviously avoiding so will make excuses.

I have to find a mentor in Johannesburg who can take me through the process of looking at these emotional issues that i do not want to look at.

Now if you know me you will know that I always keep a distance from other people and I think this is also the reason I do this. So my next mission is to go and find out what I am clinging onto and for what reason I am not wanting to look at it.

You all have a nice day now.