Hi computer, me again :-) well it has really been a long time since I have been here and written anything. Well a lot has happened since the last time I wrote something and yes my heart has been broken :-( but hey that is life and how we learn not so?
Well the man of my dreams that I have decided to give my trust to disappeared not to let me hear a word from him. I can say I am heart broken as I truly believed in him ;/ well it has taught me one thing. Don't trust so easily hehehe I almost made the mistake of my life there by giving up everything to go to a new country. Luckily my common sense and friends convinced me to wait first to see what happens and it is just as well I did that hey?
Well I came to Cape Town and I am really enjoying it here, I am resting and getting myself sorted out. Ready to start the new year, 2008 anew with a new outlook on the world.
One of the lessons I have learned is be discriminating with your trust and don't belief what other people say as they are not as open as yourself. Laughing out loud I belief because I mean what I say others do the same. I am lucky though that I have met a couple of people who do mean what they say and they make it worth while.
I still belief I want a relationship but mmmmm to find the right person that will love me and accept me for who I am well I have to be patient and just know that he is out there for me.
2007 has been a very hard year and I think with a lot of lessons and I hope I have learned something from it.
I have discovered a wonderful masseur and ladies if you can get one to give you a sensual massage take it!!! it is worth every cent you spend on it :)
I have also very bravely posed in the nude for an art group and it was such an amazing experience as I discovered that I like myself as I am at this moment. It seems to have freed me up a lot from a lot of old inhibitions and I have been able to move on.
For 2008 I hope that I can set my goals and reach them and that every single wish I have come true and I hope that all my family, loved ones and friends also have their wishes come true :D
I leave you with love, peace and light
Go well and be save
AM
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Absolute truth!!
Ok so today it hit me!!! Slap bang between the eyes!!!!! I was driving to my parents this morning when this happened and I almost made an accident the shock was so great!!
For the first time in my life I was able to be brutally honest with myself and if you would like to know what this honesty was? Well I will tell you this truth that hit me so hard this morning, at 09h55.
I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE!!! Yes I have at long last been honest with myself, I want to be in a relationship, I want someone to love me, I want someone to take care of me, I want to be there for someone when he comes home from work or wherever. I have made up my mind that I want this and I will have it.
I am going to meet my future husband in December and move to a strange country with him. I will be at long last finding my purpuse and that is to have a mate. He is not just any mate, he is my soulmate, my twinflame, the being I spend a lot of time with when I am not on this plane experiencing the human life, in this life though it is destinined that we will be together!
I have been pushing and fighting against this idea even though I accepted his offer to move to his country, I have been so negative and scared and doubtful that I actually have been starting to create a negative result, but no more!!!
Last nite I had a friend over and he actually came to have sex, lol I was ok until he started talking about all these other woman and something in me just snapped if I can call it that? I suddently realised I don't want to be with this man, I made him coffee, had a chat and then I send him on his way.
He just wants to use me and ok I will also be using but I don't want this anymore, I want to be with someone I love, I respect, that loves and respects me as well. Someone that sees the beauty in me and not just a play thing for his weird needs.
I am very guilty there I have always played along with this as I thought that it is also something I need but I realised this morning, ok it started last night but it smacked me this morning! I want so much more, I deserve so much more and now is the time to acknowledge this fact and accept it, as you know accepting something can be very difficult, but i am accepting this and I will change my life to make sure I get what I want.
I am now in a much more peaceful space having acknowledged this and busy with the acceptance of it.
I am now ready to start a new life and let go of my old ways. The date today is so significant for this 11/11 it usually means the end of times so I am coming to the end of a life and starting a new life. One with a wonderful, caring, giving, loving man who I will cherish and spoil and love very much as he is my heart, my life and my destiny.
Go well and love to all
For the first time in my life I was able to be brutally honest with myself and if you would like to know what this honesty was? Well I will tell you this truth that hit me so hard this morning, at 09h55.
I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE!!! Yes I have at long last been honest with myself, I want to be in a relationship, I want someone to love me, I want someone to take care of me, I want to be there for someone when he comes home from work or wherever. I have made up my mind that I want this and I will have it.
I am going to meet my future husband in December and move to a strange country with him. I will be at long last finding my purpuse and that is to have a mate. He is not just any mate, he is my soulmate, my twinflame, the being I spend a lot of time with when I am not on this plane experiencing the human life, in this life though it is destinined that we will be together!
I have been pushing and fighting against this idea even though I accepted his offer to move to his country, I have been so negative and scared and doubtful that I actually have been starting to create a negative result, but no more!!!
Last nite I had a friend over and he actually came to have sex, lol I was ok until he started talking about all these other woman and something in me just snapped if I can call it that? I suddently realised I don't want to be with this man, I made him coffee, had a chat and then I send him on his way.
He just wants to use me and ok I will also be using but I don't want this anymore, I want to be with someone I love, I respect, that loves and respects me as well. Someone that sees the beauty in me and not just a play thing for his weird needs.
I am very guilty there I have always played along with this as I thought that it is also something I need but I realised this morning, ok it started last night but it smacked me this morning! I want so much more, I deserve so much more and now is the time to acknowledge this fact and accept it, as you know accepting something can be very difficult, but i am accepting this and I will change my life to make sure I get what I want.
I am now in a much more peaceful space having acknowledged this and busy with the acceptance of it.
I am now ready to start a new life and let go of my old ways. The date today is so significant for this 11/11 it usually means the end of times so I am coming to the end of a life and starting a new life. One with a wonderful, caring, giving, loving man who I will cherish and spoil and love very much as he is my heart, my life and my destiny.
Go well and love to all
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Zodiac Match
Initially, an Aries is likely to catch your eye with their flirty charm and social ways. But as you get to know them better, you're apt to be even more drawn to an Arian's strength and confidence. People born under this sign typically know what they want out of life. They're also usually ready with a well-drawn game plan of how to achieve their dreams. In matters of the heart, don't expect an Aries to get too sentimental. Just be satisfied that this partner will both be generous and have an eye for quality. In the bedroom, people tend to find the Ram to be a passionate lover with a robust sex drive. It's just one more way that Arians try to get the most out of life and live it to the fullest — even if that means sometimes living on the edge.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
It has been a while
Hi computer, yes it has been a while since I last wrote in my blog and yes I am going through some major changes at the moment. I have been working on myself as I have to learn to trust and have faith.
Damn did u know how difficult that can be? If you are tested in lots of ways to see how much trust and faith you have.
I know this is a major big lesson to learn as when I have learned this lesson I will be on a totally new plane and that is what I want.
I am in love with someone I have not met yet and it is freaking me out I want to tell u. I don't know how it has happened and now this is the part that I am having to start trusting and having faith.
The love of my life, my soulmate, the man that has taken over my heart is coming on holiday with me in December. We are going to get to know each other and I just know it will be a coming together of two halves. I wish I can explain this but this is how it feels to me, I can feel his energy and it is all around me all the time, like a protective caccoon enfolding me keeping me safe.
Now this coming together as one does not mean you have to lose yourself to the other person it only means that you will feel whole and it is important never to give yourself over for someone else to run, the best relationship is one where you have to whole entities that can be together and work as a unit but still have your own identity, knowing myself I know I will want my space from time to time and I know my love will want the same.
I have this deep knowing that we will be able to be together in utter silence and just be. Comfortable in each others company.
Ok I have now let out some of my thoughts now I can start my day.
You all have a great day now!
Damn did u know how difficult that can be? If you are tested in lots of ways to see how much trust and faith you have.
I know this is a major big lesson to learn as when I have learned this lesson I will be on a totally new plane and that is what I want.
I am in love with someone I have not met yet and it is freaking me out I want to tell u. I don't know how it has happened and now this is the part that I am having to start trusting and having faith.
The love of my life, my soulmate, the man that has taken over my heart is coming on holiday with me in December. We are going to get to know each other and I just know it will be a coming together of two halves. I wish I can explain this but this is how it feels to me, I can feel his energy and it is all around me all the time, like a protective caccoon enfolding me keeping me safe.
Now this coming together as one does not mean you have to lose yourself to the other person it only means that you will feel whole and it is important never to give yourself over for someone else to run, the best relationship is one where you have to whole entities that can be together and work as a unit but still have your own identity, knowing myself I know I will want my space from time to time and I know my love will want the same.
I have this deep knowing that we will be able to be together in utter silence and just be. Comfortable in each others company.
Ok I have now let out some of my thoughts now I can start my day.
You all have a great day now!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Stupidity
Ok so yes I tend to start it this way, it has been a while!
I am just going to vent this morning on my stupidity as I am the only one to blame if I get hurt. I can't belief that I am so stupid to get caught up on an online romance thing and then get hurt as well and where my stupidity comes in is that I believed that something like that can work!!!!
How fucking stupid can you get you might ask me so I will tell you. FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!!!
I think it went over the excitement of everything and those feelings that can be stirred and then you get caught up in the moment and start believing what people tell u. I personally belief people easily as I will say and do only what I mean, I think that is what catches a lot of people with me as I do what I say I will do.
I find it difficult to understand people that just say things without meaning them. If I make a promise I will keep it to the best of my ability and if I can't do it I will then say I can't.
So I got caught up in an online romance and I think because someone told me a few months back something like that will happen I actually created it in my sub conscious because I wanted it to happen.
I am now standing back and thinking that my declaration of loving being single and living on my own might be null and void as I so readily was going to give up everything in my life that I have and that I worked for to go to a country where I won't even understand the language!!! God I can just see myself trying to communicate and having to learn a new language at my age. Although they say u are never to old to learn but at the best of times I have a problem getting my tongue around certain words in Afrikaans and English now I have to try with a foreign language as well!
Luckily this did not go to far and I am sitting with a broken heart and lovely friends who will help me get over this and a life lesson that I will not forget in a hurry.
If I go back on a chat - keep it simple and fun and don't get involved except on a chat basis with anyone!!!!
Ok that is me for now I better start my day.
Have a lovely day!
I am just going to vent this morning on my stupidity as I am the only one to blame if I get hurt. I can't belief that I am so stupid to get caught up on an online romance thing and then get hurt as well and where my stupidity comes in is that I believed that something like that can work!!!!
How fucking stupid can you get you might ask me so I will tell you. FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!!!
I think it went over the excitement of everything and those feelings that can be stirred and then you get caught up in the moment and start believing what people tell u. I personally belief people easily as I will say and do only what I mean, I think that is what catches a lot of people with me as I do what I say I will do.
I find it difficult to understand people that just say things without meaning them. If I make a promise I will keep it to the best of my ability and if I can't do it I will then say I can't.
So I got caught up in an online romance and I think because someone told me a few months back something like that will happen I actually created it in my sub conscious because I wanted it to happen.
I am now standing back and thinking that my declaration of loving being single and living on my own might be null and void as I so readily was going to give up everything in my life that I have and that I worked for to go to a country where I won't even understand the language!!! God I can just see myself trying to communicate and having to learn a new language at my age. Although they say u are never to old to learn but at the best of times I have a problem getting my tongue around certain words in Afrikaans and English now I have to try with a foreign language as well!
Luckily this did not go to far and I am sitting with a broken heart and lovely friends who will help me get over this and a life lesson that I will not forget in a hurry.
If I go back on a chat - keep it simple and fun and don't get involved except on a chat basis with anyone!!!!
Ok that is me for now I better start my day.
Have a lovely day!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Wow life is great!!!
Ok so it has been a while since I last posted but a lot has happened in that time. You know life is actually a funny thing, a few months ago I got a astrology reading from someone who said I am going to meet a man and he will be my life partner and I will meet him on a dating site and I must not dismiss him but give him a chance. Well I always get these readings and will read it and then forget all about it which I have done so imagine my surprise when 2 weeks ago I met someone not on a dating site but a chat site and we started e-mailing each other. He is the most amazing person on earth and I belief I have fell madly in love with him!!!!! How is this possible? To fall in love with someone you have never met before? I feel such a connection with him and I know I am going to spend the rest of my life with this wild viking and I know that he is going to make me ecstatically happy for the rest of my life.
I know some people will start warning me and belief me my own brain has already started with the logical side coming up with all kinds of warnings but damn I am going to start following my heart this time. The other thing that is also nice is that he offered me a job which i accepted as well, so I am planning on doing something else and that is living a dream of being on the ocean.
I am one of the few people I know that can create what I want in my life, knowing this I have to be careful as when I start becoming negative I can create the negative as well so I always have to look and beware of my thoughts!
I am this morning feeling very excited as it is weekend and closer to December and I have asked my wild viking to come here and go away with me for the holidays so that we can get to know each other before I make that big move to another country. Although I know it is going to happen, as it is predicted that I am going to live in an European country and this time I will follow the path that has been predicted for me.
Moving away to a country that I don't know with no family or friends and a language that I don't know is going to be such a challenge and adventure and I can't wait for it anymore to happen.
So I will keep up to date with what is happening in the life of a mad dolphin hehehe
Take care and be well, love u all to bits.
I know some people will start warning me and belief me my own brain has already started with the logical side coming up with all kinds of warnings but damn I am going to start following my heart this time. The other thing that is also nice is that he offered me a job which i accepted as well, so I am planning on doing something else and that is living a dream of being on the ocean.
I am one of the few people I know that can create what I want in my life, knowing this I have to be careful as when I start becoming negative I can create the negative as well so I always have to look and beware of my thoughts!
I am this morning feeling very excited as it is weekend and closer to December and I have asked my wild viking to come here and go away with me for the holidays so that we can get to know each other before I make that big move to another country. Although I know it is going to happen, as it is predicted that I am going to live in an European country and this time I will follow the path that has been predicted for me.
Moving away to a country that I don't know with no family or friends and a language that I don't know is going to be such a challenge and adventure and I can't wait for it anymore to happen.
So I will keep up to date with what is happening in the life of a mad dolphin hehehe
Take care and be well, love u all to bits.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Madness is back
Ok so I am in a weird space again what must I do about it is what I want to know? Actually I have discovered that the best way to deal with this is by just being and feeling what is happening inside myself and then accepting it and letting it go.
I am going to blame the fact that I am tired and want my holiday now!! I feel myself moving to that place where I just want to crawl into a little hole again cover myself up and telling everyone to just go and leave me alone.
Do you have any idea how much energy it takes to be happy and joyful during the day just to hide the fact that you would rather sulk in a corner? Well I can tell you it is exhausting!!
Basically I am feeling unloved and uncared for and I do know it is the biggest lot of rubbish out there but that is how I am feeling at this moment in time and I am going to just go with it. I was so glad to find out yesterday Monday is a public holiday. I have already planned my weekend and belief me it involves a lot of reading. I am going to transport myself into the magical world of the written word, might actually also watch some movies as I have a lot to watch but I belief reading might be the best.
Anyway I thought I should just write something otherwise time just pass and nothing gets said and this is my blog where I can be miserable if I want to be.
Have a nice day.
I am going to blame the fact that I am tired and want my holiday now!! I feel myself moving to that place where I just want to crawl into a little hole again cover myself up and telling everyone to just go and leave me alone.
Do you have any idea how much energy it takes to be happy and joyful during the day just to hide the fact that you would rather sulk in a corner? Well I can tell you it is exhausting!!
Basically I am feeling unloved and uncared for and I do know it is the biggest lot of rubbish out there but that is how I am feeling at this moment in time and I am going to just go with it. I was so glad to find out yesterday Monday is a public holiday. I have already planned my weekend and belief me it involves a lot of reading. I am going to transport myself into the magical world of the written word, might actually also watch some movies as I have a lot to watch but I belief reading might be the best.
Anyway I thought I should just write something otherwise time just pass and nothing gets said and this is my blog where I can be miserable if I want to be.
Have a nice day.
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